Help Her Build
Positive Self Esteem
The mother-daughter relationship is a vital part of your teenager girls self esteem.
She will be learning many things from you. Great self esteem is just one among many, one that will be a benefit in all areas of her life.
As your daughter grows into an adult, she will also be building her self-image. Your goal is to help her develop into a confident woman with positive self-esteem. This isn’t going to be easy, as today’s society continually puts a false role model in front of them.
This is now happening at a younger age. Between the ages of 8 and 13 a young girl forms the view that they have of themselves. This is formed at a time when they aren’t really mature enough to distinguish media’s role and body image. Unfortunately, it is harder to change in the later teen years, so a good foundation from an early age is crucial.
The models and celebrities that are on TV, in movies, magazines, and on the internet have given a stereotype that is not obtainable for your teenager. But despite this, your mother-daughter relationship will have the biggest role in your teenage girls self esteem.
Look at these statistics from Dove’s Real Girls, Real Pressure:
Dove’s Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-esteem:
Girls with low self-esteem are less likely to receive praise from either parent and more likely to receive criticism than girls with high self-esteem
More than one-third (34%) of girls with low self-esteem believe that they are not a good enough daughter (Compared to 9% of girls with high self-esteem)
93% of girls with low self-esteem want their parents to change their behavior towards them in at least one way (Compared to 73% for girls with high self-esteem)
o Wishing to be understood better (Low: 60%, High: 14%)
o Being listened to more (Low: 52%, High: 18%)
o Spending more time with them (Low: 43%, High: 15%)
If you read the above carefully, you can see the areas that you may need to work on.
Give honest praise to your daughter, regardless of the level of her self-esteem.
Spend time with her, and engage in active listening! This is when she will feel that you understand her. If you start this while she is younger, it will help during her later teen years. Acknowledge her concerns and find positive ways to help her deal with them. (Tip, don't use appearance related activities, find something non-related!)
Remember to tell her that you love her unconditionally, regardless of looks, actions, or any outside forces. You may not like her choices, and can be disappointed in them, but separate that from being disappointed in her.
Another stunning find was that 57% of ALL girls have a mother who criticizes her OWN looks. When you stand in front of the mirror and absent-minded say, “Oh, I hate the way ………….looks.”, you are setting the stage for your daughter to feel, do, and say the same thing. You are her first, and her most important role model.
Most women do not deliberately send messages that how you look means a great deal. While there is some truth to that, an impressionable girl will take this and pair it with the media’s view of the proper body image and come up with their correct view of “looking good”. Unfortunately, it is usually a size 0, Photoshopped model.
Your self-esteem needs to be good, in order to teach proper esteem to your teen.
With your mother-daughter relationship, it’s really as easy as remembering to use positive re-enforcement. Pepper it in though out your everyday conversation. This will do wonders in helping your
teenage girls self esteem.
Look for areas that your daughter can excel in. If you know she won’t be the best academically, then help her to pursue other interests. Give her the right to grow into her own person, not what you have chosen her to be.
But, use your mother-daughter relationship wisely, to help her grow into the best that she can be!
Decide today – to work. Work at doing your best, being your best, and accepting the best!
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