What Is Self-Hatred?
Is it as simple as
"I Hate Myself?"

Self-hatred can be a very serious mental health issue that can lead to a manifestation of destructive patterns. A person literally hates themselves so much that they mentally and or physically do harm. They can harm themselves or even lash out at people that they love.


This question quickly comes to mind. Why? Why would someone have so much hate that it turns to harm? Some of the problem lies with their esteem. The fact that they don't place a very high value on themselves.

Another issue that may fuel self-hated is their expectations. It is commonly taught that humans have two "selves". (The more you delve into psychology, the more that the two selves can be divided up, but for now, we will just look at these two.) The two selves are:

Idealized Self: This is our imagined self. Our idol. What we think we could be, given the perfect circumstances, in order to perform our best or to be accepted.

Actual Self: This is who we actually are at any moment in time.

You can quickly see that these two selves are very different. Low self esteem may come from a person not achieving their idealized self, and then devaluing their abilities because of falling short. Self hate comes into play when a person has such a repulsion of themselves for falling short of their idealized self.

When this happens, a person may start placing harsh demands on their actions and thoughts. Example: A young girl with an eating disorder. Her idealized self is model perfect. In order to meet this standard she may, in turn, not eat.

Another manifestation of self-hatred is in the constant accusations of self, often laced with self-contempt. Often the most damaging effect is self-torture, either mentally or physically.

Each person has an idealized self and the actual self. It is only when the person has unrealistic goals that things may progress to self-hatred. Each of us has a desire to be happy, yet we know that we cannot maintain a constant state of happiness 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is just impossible.

When we move into an unhappy state, we deal with it the best that we can, knowing that it is just a period in time, then we will cycle out of it. Another person may believe that their idealized self should always be happy. When they cycle in a period of unhappiness, they plummet into self-hatred because they cannot maintain their state of happiness.

It might be to your benefit to do a self esteem inventory and see if you have any beliefs that may be hurtful to your actual self.

Decide today – to work. Work at doing your best, being your best, and accepting the best!

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